The Hydrangea.
It always seems that when Christmas gets closer the days give up less of their time for the normal things to do. This morning at 8.45 we had an another appointment at the local hospital. Just a routine visit but the waiting room was already crowded. The oncologist who saw us said; ‘Christmas is a crazy time’, the sooner it gets past, the better’. This was wholeheartedly agreed. Helvi said a few weeks ago; ‘oh dear, Christmas is coming. We so much like normal times.’ The waiting room was so full, we stood upright, no empty chair, and the TV was on some commercial channel espousing the benefits of a face-cream, guaranteed to take wrinkles away. Most of the patients were glued to it, I suppose, any promise is better than none, even though no cream has ever taken away a single wrinkle. We believe in magic as we believe in a jolly Christmas. The doctor told us he read somewhere that thirty days of food are bought for just one single day when the shops are closed. I enthusiastically added; ‘. We have seen people buying complete trays of mangoes and 5kilo hams.’
So when we got home, we took Milo for a walk hoping he would do his ‘business’ under the bushes. He is very hygienic normally and have no need to take a plastic bag with us in case he does it on the food-path. He did it once in front of a kitchen shop and people were hopping about, while Helvi quick as a flash distanced herself from me and Milo. However, he again happened to do it on the street in front of some pedestrians, but I pretended not to have noticed and bravely walked on. ‘ Hey, someone shouted, look at this,’ pointing to the still steaming little tart. I joked, ‘I did not do it.’ The woman looked totally perplexed but lacked humour. ‘Of course, you did not do it, your dog did. Go and do the right thing.’
Helvi was furious with me, especially when it was added, ‘finders keepers’ to the humourless woman. All social graces seem to have gone. Where are the good old day when there was laughter about? Is this the Christmas spirit so many bang on about?Surely, no one could have taken my remarks seriously?
When we got home and things cooled down, Milo looked me in the eye. He winked. What do you feel about the above Hydrangea? Isn’t it a beauty?.
Tags: Christmas, Face-cream, Hospital, Hydrangea, Milo, Oncologist, Patients, TV
Oosterman Treats Blog 
December 17, 2018 at 3:21 am |
The German tradition is that every family member gets for Christmas a ‘bunten Teller’, that is a plate full of gingerbread, nuts, sweets and fruit. We are usually about 15 family members coming together on Christmas Eve. So weeks in advance Peter starts buying things for the ‘bunten Tellers’. He usually buys much too much. And every year again he’s totally afraid, there there is not going to be enough stuff to go on the ‘bunten tellers’.
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December 17, 2018 at 3:51 am |
Those tradition are important, Uta. Our grandsons are now teenagers and though they might keep remembering some of their Dutch and Finnish cultural backgrounds, they are well on the way to becoming part of the Australian culture whatever that may be. Hopefully in showing empathy to those that need it and avoid the political nastiness that Australia now seems to be so embroiled in.
We will have our daughter coming over on Christmas day and we shall probably share a nice meal. Usually, in our family the tradition is for a lamb curry with spinach. Fruit afterwards. Hopefully it won’t be too hot.
Tell peter, to take it easy on the stocking up of the ‘Bunten Tellers.’
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December 17, 2018 at 4:11 am |
Yairs, yairs…Gerard…it does get one down when one’s witticisms are seen as derogative or dismissed altogether…especially when dropped like pearls impromptu at moment’s notice..It’s like you wrote on another blog about the appreciation of art..or lack of it in the case above with the “humourless woman”…I have had similar treatment in the past and it is almost…almost enough to break one’s heart…
Yes…that old sardonic style of Aussie humour is about had its day, I’m afraid…..perhaps you could have suggested to that lady…: “A problem shared is a problem halved”..and then asked…politely…which half she would like?…….But …I dunno…
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December 17, 2018 at 6:41 am |
Well, one witticism in one eye is a dirty deed in another. Helvi was with me and did not exactly appreciate my response to the lady pointing out Milo’s indiscretion.
I thought it very apt and funny. I mean, Milo’s turd is very small and compared with a discarded Big Mack paper bag or a shopping trolley less of a problem.
I mean, get your priorities right.
I try giving half away next time, Jo. Milo would like that too.
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December 17, 2018 at 7:07 am
I gotta say, Gerard…I was shocked that Helvi didn’t “take your back” on the issue…why..back in the old days of the Vikings, the women’d be there passing the amunition to their blokes…that sort of thing….ah…but it’s true…us old-white-men joking is no longer appreciated nor even tolerated..I had the same “hot-tongue /cold shoulder” from Irene a while back when we both were volunteers at a local govt’ environmental nursery…..
The “Project officer” a woman in her early forties, with a “ample shilouette”, ordered some “T” shirts with the office motto on the front…I was at the desk typing despatches when they arrived…she promptly opened the box and plucked one out…turned it around a couple of times and then held it up to her shoulders…like ladies do when sizing a garment.. and spun around to show me…of course, there was a lot of “movement” going on there and she looked at me expectantly waiting for comment…
Now..to be honest..I don’t know who thinks up these motto slogans, but they ought to give it a tad more thought…..
“Nice cut” I said…
“Nice colour too”…I followed…and then it became difficult…y’see..that motto..the logo…was emblazoned horizontally across the shirt at nipple height, in 2inch letters proudly announcing….”WORKING TOGETHER”……
I grimaced…sucked in a bit of breath and winced, I believe…
“I dunno………..” I murmured….and I confess to a touch of cowardly cringing for wanting to say anything further…you know how it is!….and best we draw the curtain of charity down over the rest of the convers’….
Yes, Gerard…us old-white-males are just not appreciated anymore….but hey!..one day after we’re all gone…they’ll miss us!!…they’ll miss us!
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December 17, 2018 at 9:47 pm
Yes, one has to be so careful now-a-days. Last week Milo passed a couple with a dog on a leash. As always when two dogs feel attracted to each other they often do the right thing and sniff each other’s bums and tails.
As the sniffing progressed, the woman pulled her dog away, (somewhat harshly, I thought.) She then said; ‘excuse the social rudeness of my dog’.
I said; ‘ah don’t worry, we seemed to have lost that ‘friendly’ way of getting to know each other a long time ago’.
She winced and she and her male companion quickly walked away. I was lucky she did not call the cops.
See, what I mean, Jo?
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December 18, 2018 at 5:15 am
See what YOU mean?…An old mate of mine who had a ‘retirement job” as a janitor at a prep-school was continually distracted from his duties by this one tall, slim, leggy female teacher who for some unknown reason insisted on wearing micro-mini skirts and high heels at this prep-school…one day at his duties, she came walking down the long corridor toward him like she was on a fashion catwalk..when she got near, he paused in his sweping and said..:
“Y’know, Pammy (her name), I don’t believe in God, but when I see you I am certain there is a devil.”
He was nearly sacked over the incident!
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December 18, 2018 at 10:20 pm
One has to be so careful now, Jo.
The ‘anti between the sexes’ police are always on the look-out for dubious exchanges. Best stick to washing up or watching the petrol bowser tick over.
Best is to cross the road and keep the eyes glued to the nature strip.
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December 17, 2018 at 4:16 am |
Christmas looms. I’d better get started with the baking.
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December 17, 2018 at 6:43 am |
Yes, so true. Did this post bring out the chef in you again, Peggy?
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December 17, 2018 at 4:22 am |
What are you coming to, Gerard? I would have smacked my husband with a stick if he had left dog feces in the street or the side walk! Anyhow, I think those folks thought you were serious when you walked past Milo’s business or maybe you were- serious about leaving his business? I hope not. I can’t tell sometimes if you are joking or nor. It is unfinished “business.”
Anyhow I have dreaded Christmas more and more with each passing year and if it were not for my daughter whining and complaining about Christmas celebrations, I would literally not move out of my tracks. Depression sets in and I feel a sense of doom and gloom. You are right about the groceries. Countries that are ultra modern contain people with too much money for their own good. Folks in the US act the same way for every holiday and cold spell that comes along. Gluttony is something to behold.
This post made me laugh and you can take comfort in the fact that you have subtle comedic skills.
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December 17, 2018 at 6:48 am |
I have always been drawn to the subject of turds, Ivonne.
Years ago as a small boy in The Hague, Holland, I used to gift-wrap dog turds in those pointed white paper lolly bags and leave them on the footpath. Around the corner would be me watching in keen anticipation on the nicely dressed woman or gentleman to pick it up and open them.
The look on their faces, Ivonne! Can you imagine?
So glad it made you smile, Ivonne. You could not have given me a better present. I need your laughter.
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December 17, 2018 at 11:13 am
Hee hee., Gerard, you are indeed a mad, mad, man. I went my computer at 5am after lying awake since 3am. I just got another laugh and I am still smiling after reading your reply.
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December 17, 2018 at 4:58 am |
HA! You made me snort-laugh, Gerard!!! 😀
Way to go, Gerard AND Milo! 😛
Yes, the hydrangea is beautiful! 🙂
OH!!! I just have to tell you a story…One time, a few years ago, I watched a man walk down our street…he let his dog pooh (not Winnie The) in front of a neighbor’s house and didn’t pick the pile of pooh up. Well…about a half hour later the man and his dog walked back by and the man stepped in his own dog’s pooh that had been pooh-ed there 30 minutes before. He got angry and swore.
I laughed! 🙂
HUGS to all! And let’s pace ourselves with all the Holiday meals and goodies! 😀
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December 17, 2018 at 9:52 pm |
Yes, stepping in poo isn’t my favourite hobby either. In fact I dislike it and it has been a while. I remember years ago, the footpaths were often covered in dog poo. And then came the signs to ‘curb’ your dog with a picture of a dog doing it in the gutter. Now, things have progressed that any dog poo has to be picked up. A whole industry has sprung up with all sorts of gadgets designed to pick up turds.
Most take a plastic bag and turn it inside out to pick up turds manually. People pick up turds with as much dignity that can be mustered but it isn’t easy to make it look ‘normal’!
Hugs too.
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December 18, 2018 at 5:24 am
Ha! No, not a good hobby! 😉 😀 Too poohy! 😛
Yes, aliens from outer space would think we worship our dogs the way we pick up, bag, and “collect” their poohs! HA! 😀
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December 17, 2018 at 5:29 am |
We…or at least Irene…(I supplied the wood-cutting and stoking etc) did a lot of preperatory cooking yesterday in the big, old German wood-fired vult-oven at the end of the Black Kitchen we have here in this pioneers cottage in the Mallee where we live…The oven is a marvel to cook breads and roasts etc in…and it feels good to weild that flat oven-spade about….Irene complained that I nearly took her eye out with the handle!
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December 17, 2018 at 9:56 pm |
Wonderful to have such an oven, Jo. Back on the farm we had a good one too. I made it myself with hundreds of bricks and used a large spade to shove in the leg of pork or lamb, pizzas. The bread made in the cooling oven afterwards was superb. Never took out an eye though.
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December 17, 2018 at 11:58 pm |
Well, the eye issue was not all my fault…I put it down to an “encroaching into the tradesman’s space” type of thing….When one is shuffling that long-handled pizza shovel in and out, you need a half-circle of operating space..and if a person is adept at swishing that thing about, one has to be given what can best be described as a “perfomance arena” to give one’s best…..a bit like the baton-twirler ay a marching girls parade…
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December 18, 2018 at 12:11 pm |
I think it very funny but didn’t think many others would. That I’ll take as my Chrissy present and gives me some hope that this type of great Billy Connolly style of humour shall survive.
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December 18, 2018 at 9:23 pm |
Well, that is a great compliment. I’ll try and keep them coming.
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December 18, 2018 at 1:20 pm |
Turd disposal is at the top of the news in Lake Macquarie. The council has decided to only collect general rubbish once a fortnight, because so much is compostable material. Locals have set up a petition to getback to weely collections because the infant nappies are malodorous. I suggested that young families go back to cloth nappies, with offending turds finding their way into the sewer with other turds. There has been an outcry. Young parents can’t waste time on messy turd processing when there are coffee mornings, Facebook, cocktail parties and instagram!
Good luck with Milo turds, from one who constantly juggles dog leads and dog poo bags!
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December 18, 2018 at 9:30 pm |
We always had cloth nappies and even joined a nappy collection service. Those drivers of nappy service trucks should be given recognition for bravery. I mean, on a day of over 40C driving around exchanging clean washed nappies for soiled ones would have to be really something.
Even so, in the fifties and sixties we had the dunny-man doing the rounds. Remember that period? We rolled back hill after hill and subdivided the land, houses were built, but NO sewerage connected. We were a two pan family and gave a crate of beer at Christmas for the ‘dunny’ man.
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December 18, 2018 at 11:22 pm |
Hello big M. Didn’t realise you so close to us at Toronto (NSW). LiVe in apartment. Only paper/ cardboard bin supplied, NO others for bottles, cans, vegetation etc as houses get supplied. Why is it not obligatory here for apartment blocks. It appears to be left to the Strata committee who show little interest in recycling. Happy holiday period to all.
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December 19, 2018 at 2:16 am
We are in Wallsend, so in adjacent council areas. I would have thought that apartment blocks would have the same recycling as free standing houses. The bloody council charges enough rates! Plus no green waste bin!!
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December 18, 2018 at 4:57 pm |
You’ve reminded me of the boat owner who was deeply offended by the ducks who did their business on the dock in front of his boat. Mind you, they were wild ducks — mallards — and when they take a mind to nap or loiter about in a spot, they can be quite firm in their resolve. For months, the buy battled them, until one day they were gone. He was so proud. What he didn’t realize was that ducks migrate, and his had. Imagine his consternation the next spring, when the whole danged flock showed up again. It was if if they’d had a little confab and decided he was worth harassing: just because.
As for those hydrangeas: I love them. They’re one flower I think is almost as attractive in its faded state as in bloom. I’m so glad you have some.
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December 18, 2018 at 9:40 pm |
Yes, Linda. The ducks have a reputation of being copious in their toilet habits. We had ducks on our farm and the eggs were fantastic. On our walks along the creek the ducks are looking at us. I think they recognize us. Or, I would like to think they do. There is a certain wisdom about them.
The hydrangea is beautiful but we are getting even better ones coming up in the front garden. Huge! And I’ll take a photo when they get to their peak.
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December 18, 2018 at 5:19 pm |
Laughing: “Helvi quick as a flash distanced herself from me and Milo.” We are visiting both sets of kids back east over this Christmas and both sets have grand doggies. So we know all about poop patrol. So much fun. How come, having skipped diaper changing (by the time I married Peggy our kids were in their teens), maybe there is a bit of Karma here. 🙂 –Curt
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December 18, 2018 at 9:46 pm |
We are getting our daughter and her two sons coming over this Christmas, Curt.
On Christmas Eve, Helvi has an Herceptin treatment at the local hospital starting at 9am.
I’ll be cooking the lamb curry on Sunday and bang it in the fridge. They say, a curry improves with age!
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December 21, 2018 at 2:20 pm
Wish I was there to share that lamb curry, Gerard. It is one of my all-time favorite dishes. Our son-in-law will be cooking for us, however, and he is a superb cook. We won’t suffer. Give our best to Helvi. –Curt
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December 21, 2018 at 10:41 pm
Thanks Curt. I made the curry already and is now resting in the deep-freeze. Best to get the cooking out of the way and concentrate on making the place ready for Tuesday. I am warming up for a good vacuum and have charged the battery.
Must post the latest card, so far received just two cards. One from the dentist who is relocating to a new address.
Most just do it by electronic post as I am doing right now.
Have a good one, Curt, and say hello to Peggy. Gerard
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December 19, 2018 at 10:12 pm |
Oh Gerard, you always make me laugh, what a shame it was lost on those miserable saddos. Milo so reminds me of my two. It’s bloody typical, the one time I leave the bag at home, one of them is sure to lay a steaming turd right in front of someone’s gate or shop front. Generally I try and find a twig or something to spear the damn thing with and just pray it stays ‘glued’ until I can find somewhere to bin it. One of the reasons I love living here out in the wilds is never having to pick up their turds. And yes, Your hydrangeas are beautiful. You’ll be hearing about mine in a future blog post and funnily enough there’s a lavatorial twist too …
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December 21, 2018 at 10:45 pm |
Yes, Lottie. Moving locations sure whetted your humour. One can only laugh when things are so on the move. Can’t wait for your next instalment. By now you will have the stale pee-bed sorted, I am sure.
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December 22, 2018 at 6:39 am |
‘excuse the social rudeness of my dog’
Thanks for quoting your excellent reply, Gerard. It’s like a comedy script!
And what Joe said, I find quite remarkable too:
“Yes, Gerard…us old-white-males are just not appreciated anymore….but hey!..one day after we’re all gone…they’ll miss us!!…they’ll miss us!”
This probably means that there are some ‘old-white-males’ that are still feel being loved despite them being so utterly annoying at times! 🙂
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