Posts Tagged ‘Microsoft.’

You have now been ‘encrypted.’

October 8, 2016

cid_02086cb4bd5e41318d29853e16248d09gerard

Yesterday wasn’t a good day. I received a bill from our energy supplier. This same supplier, AGL (Australia Gas Limited) enticed us with a quarterly deduction of $5.- if we paid our bills ‘paperless.’ Going ‘Paperless’ is now the latest fad sweeping the world. You can tell, by the confident strides of people on the world’s pavements who now go through life totally ‘paperless.’

A common question and a good way to start social intercourse at parties is to ask, ‘are you paperless yet?’ Or, less common and sometimes seen as a bit of a friendly reminder or slight rebuke; pardon me Sir, your lack of ‘paperless’ is showing. At those internet quick sex of Romance and Introduction websites, some now ask to show their PL status. ‘Gent, 68 years of age, fully PL and NS, NG, ND desires a nice fulsome woman with some desires to go PL, seen as an advantage but not necessary for a jolly relationship.’

Yesterday was also the inauguration of our latest acquisition, a mini-pizza oven. We always wanted to get back into pizza’s and pizza cooking. This pizza oven fits on a table and made in Mexico of stone. We bought some special hardwood kindling. We thought we would first try out some marinated Angus Porterhouse with foil wrapped spuds and a couple of red capsicums.

This was before the ‘not so good’ came about. Let me explain. I usually hold off going to my computer to check e-mails or the latest hurricane making landfall. The coffee and early mornings’ spousal natter always takes precedent. After the ‘how did you sleep’ with ‘how often did you go to the toilet’ gets over, we heave ourselves from the sofa. Milo knows the ropes and precedes us going upstairs. Milo is followed by Helvi and then me. We switch the computers on. Milo slinks under our desk. It might be another two hours before we take him for his walk. He knows and resigns to this routine. He still gets miffed why this takes so long.

After I perused the news and open the inbox for a flurry of messages to blacken up my screen. I delete many, especially the enticements for Twitter and Facebook paraphernalia. I do answer most of the kinder posts and gradually follow the black list of inbox mail to the very bottom. One of the E-mails was by AGL to pay a bill and take advantage of doing so ‘paperless.’
‘Download your Statement,’ it urged me on, in its devious and pernicious manner. It also said; Thank you! (including the exclamation mark) THAT should have been a warning. But, I am not the sort of man that picks so niftily up on the mind of criminals. True, I do pick up deviousness in Strata monsters and have a well developed sense of people drunk on Body Corporate power, but for serious internet crime, I remain pure.

As soon as I pushed the ‘download’ on the AGL bill, all hell broke loose. I was asked to ‘run’ and ‘open’ the statement, but no statement came. I pushed again and again. Then a warning popped up to draw my attention that my files hade now been locked and encrypted. I needed to pay money to unlock my files within 72 hours. If not paid within that time, the amount would be doubled. I was given an ultimatum. It also infected my home-screen with the above message. I could not get out of it, no matter how I closed everything or re-opened again and again. I was so furious and spent hours googling for an answer. There are lots of help lines and web- sites. They too are often Malware/Ransomware sites. It is a mine-field out there. Microsoft did not give me much hope. They did say that many just pay up and get their files back.

Anyway, I have an American Friend from California. A man who from way back was interested in computers before they even came about. He steered me by phone to do this and that but mainly go through a very long scanning process. Each time I had pressed the ‘download’ button I invited the ransomware virus. It finally went and my home screen is again showing Milo. There was still time to fire up the Pizza oven and it was fantastic. The meat and spud just timed perfectly. The capsicums nice with just a hint of charcoaled skin.

All is well, but it came close to murder.

Iphone triumphs and models

July 21, 2014

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” Troubles will never leave you alone, Gerard,” “wait till you are married and have children too”, she added with gusto and succinct foresight. Mothers know best, don’t they? Nothing prepared me for IPhone and computer connectivity though. You read more and more about road rage attacks. The latest in Australia where a man with a revolver pursuing another driver up to speeds of 200km an hour. The man being pursued screaming for help as he drove on till out of petrol. I wonder if there has been IPhone rage around?

Boy did I get close to hurling my computer out of the window.All out of the blue I could receive but not send e-mails with strange messages of protocol and socket errors 10060. My outgoing POP was not right. I was advised to contact my service administrator. First I got a lady with an incomprehensible English who kept rattling on about my identity and password. I hung up and had a little rage and strangled a tulip. I tried again and this time a man with an accent I could manage to hear most of it. I was on the phone for about 45 minutes and went to my ‘account’ and changed pop and outgoing and ingoing mail while Milo was lustily farting away underneath my chair. However, that is nothing compared with the inability to get my IPhone and computer synchronised.
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The sad thing was, that it was working before but I suspect Microsoft Live Mail is a very unstable entity. I gave up and made my outgoing mail to an outdoor eating place and with H had a nice Fish and Chips.

As we were eating I glanced through a Vogue magazine and noticed that the models all seem to be scowling so unhappily. Do they have IPhone troubles too? Who would want to open the door to those model sourpusses. I would phone the police or at least an ambulance. Look at the photo of the couple. She has her back to him and he looks as if he needs a bit of a Charley Chaplin or perhaps some counselling.
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After lunch I went back to the computer. H had calmed me down and the fish and chips worked their magic as well. (Barramundi fillets) Amazingly, the IPhone and computer are back working as normal and as before. A triumph of a fickle and unstable world. And I did nothing except skirt with a coronary.