The Roof Cavity Inspector’s job is never finished.

Aspidistra

Readers might know from a previous article that I have ventured into a new career. With winter half way, the gas bill came in much lower than over the same period last year. I am just re-tracing again! We know that bills always feature strongly in the lives of Seniors. I do keep old bills in my filing cabinet for scrutiny and comparisons. Modern bills also have comparisons printed on the back, often accompanied by graphics showing little towers that go up and down according to the consumption of either gas or electricity. Many do spend time studying those. It helps to pass the day.

Of course, with rates going up, many try and economize to try and lower the bills. Again , as previously mentioned, we installed double glazing and blanketed all our ceilings with insulation. We chose the more expensive one. The specialist installer advised that the more expensive insulation blanket would keep their ‘loft’ for much longer. I like the word ‘loft.’ It probably alludes that the blanket will not collapse on itself like a pre-mature cake mixture not giving enough time to raise.

It was only after I ventured in our roof cavity that I discovered lots of light and heat escaping. Hence, the idea of becoming an inspector of roof cavities took hold. I bought a khaki coloured Yakka bib and brace overall, a sharp pencil and wooden fold-up ruler. The Peugeot had a roof rack installed on which a nifty 16ft aluminium extension ladder could be held with special straps. I had a few caps silkscreened on which ‘Roof Cavity Inspector’ ( RCI) was duly inscribed.

My life has never been better. With coups, rampaging terrorists, and police killings going on everywhere, there is nothing more peaceful than sitting in someone’s roof cavity. It is so serene. One comes to an inner understanding of what the essentials of life are all about. Of course, there are some hick-ups. Last week I inspected a roof cavity for an old lady who lived by herself. She complained of hearing scurrying going on. It turned out to be a busy rats family nest in one corner of the ceiling above her bedroom. I had to call a pest inspector. It made for social contact and we both exchanged the latest gossip about our joint inspectorial duties.

He told me how a manager of a motel at Ballina, NSW, was caught out in a cavity above the honey-moon suite of his motel. A young couple on their first honeymoon complained they heard a noise coming from above the ceiling of their room. ( with en-suite.) When the police arrived, they found the manager and wife very properly attired and in bed. However, when they inspected the noise complaint they found that the cavity above the honey-moon room with en-suite was all planked out, had comfort cushions and a thermos. What did it was that the thermos still had warm coffee and the managers finger prints. There was also a hole drilled next to the electric wiring holding up an ornate light in the room below through which it was assumed the motel manager was observing the frolics of the honey-moon couple down below.

We both shook our heads. I mean, the thermos with coffee? Can you believe it? I bet the manager had to do some explaining.