Posts Tagged ‘Condoms’

Shelves stripped bare.

March 18, 2020

 

The meat shelves at a supermarket are nearly entirely empty. 

The world’s turmoil is now palpable, especially entering the local supermarkets. Chins are jutting, mouths are clenched, fists are bolded. Trolleys are again waging war with shins and ankles being pushed relentlessly towards the toilet roll sections. The news is grim, schools are being closed world wide and the numbers of corona victims are rising daily. If only we could follow what the Chinese did! But it seems too late now, the horses have bolted. Are we taking ‘democracy’ too seriously even knowing it will cost more lives?

My own personal story is showing light at the end of a few weeks of uncertainty. The sale of my own place fell through even though contracts had been exchanged. Almost at the same time I was told the bad news, another buyer wanted to sign up and exchange as soon as possible. We shall see! I am going through with the purchase of the two townhouses. I lost my lovely daughter, my dear son, my wife of 54 years, and then to have the birch tree cut was a step too far. I simply wanted to move.

But back to the story of the supermarkets. I will let you in on my foray in the feminine hygiene products. My bladder seems to have developed a will of its own. Helvi knew it and told me that most men and women getting older, do suffer from bladder irregular behaviour. I have been perplexed for some time by my own.

No sooner do I get home and turn the key in the door, that an almost unbearable urge overcomes my bladder and forces me to make a run for the toilet. Mostly I make it. I don’t understand why all this is connected to turning a key and the front door. There is a lot there! Helvi too, but to a much lesser extend. She was very strong but with excessive laughter and sneezing she too had problems, but, as the woman she was, had a practical solution. She bought panty liners. I have to admit, I too started using them.

But apropos the moral of this story. I went again this morning to the supermarket to try and replenish my depleted supply of panty liners. I had used the last box that Helvi and I shared. They are in a pink box and branded ‘Olivia’. Fancy wearing Olivia so close yet so far!. To my utter surprise, the whole of the ‘feminine hygiene ‘ shelf was stripped totally bare. Not a box or tampon, slim-liners, invisible panty inserts, and heaven knows what else, to be seen. Not even condoms, male nappies (for the mature).  Not Olivia, nothing. People even hoard those items.

I am perplexed.

Sex ist streng verboten in Parliament.

February 17, 2018

 

 

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Picasso with Brigitte Bardot.

After our PM, Herr Malcolm Turnbull forbade sex between parliamentarians and staffers, the country has become eerily silent. People are now seen huddled together on street corners and many chemist shops in Canberra  have put up steel shutters. Shares in condom manufacturers have plummeted but the sale of gas masks have gone up. Ever since the rumors of sex between the Deputy Prime minister, Barnaby Joyce and one of his staffers came out in the open, the good people re-coiled in horror. How could a man so against Same Sex Marriage and a fighter for the sanctity of marriage (but only between a man and woman) so get off the rails bonking a staffer? Not just bonking but a babe on the way as well. Was it this same sex that led him so astray? I always wondered why Barnaby had such a red post conjugal face.

The newspapers are full of it and are not letting up. Massacres in Syria and Florida are thrown aside as mere pulp and is not making a dent in it. The ‘affaire’ and its details is keeping this whole nation occupied,  is soothing down even the promise of Tax concessions to the business world or Dutton’s ever popular and vigilant Border Control, stoking fear of terrorism stalking our suburban streets.

The ban on sex by Turnbull has given the subject a new lease of life. The Labor Party are rubbing their hands together. What a gift, and the longer it lasts the more dividends this story will pay. The deputy PM has dug in his heels, and surprisingly gave a sound rebuff to his master, Mr Turnbull.

There is still a lot of life in this story left. Bonking is very well established and despite laws against it and raised eyebrows, it always finds a way to a coupling in one way or other. If truth be known, there would be very few that haven’t done it. Of course in Barnaby’s case one would have thought him to show less hypocrisy, but… Let those without any sin cast the first stone etc. (John 8:7, viz.)

Why doesn’t the Parliament building in Canberra have a special space for the hard-working parliamentarians to get some light relief? A rest and recreation space, or in plain terms;  A bonking Bunker.