Sex ist streng verboten in Parliament.

 

 

untitledpicasso

Picasso with Brigitte Bardot.

After our PM, Herr Malcolm Turnbull forbade sex between parliamentarians and staffers, the country has become eerily silent. People are now seen huddled together on street corners and many chemist shops in Canberra  have put up steel shutters. Shares in condom manufacturers have plummeted but the sale of gas masks have gone up. Ever since the rumors of sex between the Deputy Prime minister, Barnaby Joyce and one of his staffers came out in the open, the good people re-coiled in horror. How could a man so against Same Sex Marriage and a fighter for the sanctity of marriage (but only between a man and woman) so get off the rails bonking a staffer? Not just bonking but a babe on the way as well. Was it this same sex that led him so astray? I always wondered why Barnaby had such a red post conjugal face.

The newspapers are full of it and are not letting up. Massacres in Syria and Florida are thrown aside as mere pulp and is not making a dent in it. The ‘affaire’ and its details is keeping this whole nation occupied,  is soothing down even the promise of Tax concessions to the business world or Dutton’s ever popular and vigilant Border Control, stoking fear of terrorism stalking our suburban streets.

The ban on sex by Turnbull has given the subject a new lease of life. The Labor Party are rubbing their hands together. What a gift, and the longer it lasts the more dividends this story will pay. The deputy PM has dug in his heels, and surprisingly gave a sound rebuff to his master, Mr Turnbull.

There is still a lot of life in this story left. Bonking is very well established and despite laws against it and raised eyebrows, it always finds a way to a coupling in one way or other. If truth be known, there would be very few that haven’t done it. Of course in Barnaby’s case one would have thought him to show less hypocrisy, but… Let those without any sin cast the first stone etc. (John 8:7, viz.)

Why doesn’t the Parliament building in Canberra have a special space for the hard-working parliamentarians to get some light relief? A rest and recreation space, or in plain terms;  A bonking Bunker.

 

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30 Responses to “Sex ist streng verboten in Parliament.”

  1. bkpyett Says:

    Lovely photo of PIcasso! Did you know the staffers in Barnaby’s office call him the ‘bonking beetroot’?

    Liked by 3 people

    • DisandDat Says:

      It gets our blood pressure going just seeing the man we call half beetroot. What a hippocrit. He’d do better in Queensland with that red head.

      Liked by 1 person

    • gerard oosterman Says:

      Yes, I wondered why Barnaby was always rather stooped when entering the hallowed grounds of Parliament house. The burden of bonking was getting him down. With the PM’s ban in place one wonders what will happen next. Some sort of confessional or sniffing Labradors checking the ministers out?
      Wives might well notice that hubby’s underpants are now not being replaced by new ones. Less showering perhaps?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. DisandDat Says:

    How beautifully written. I can’t believe it, no I don’t want to believe the tripe in the media with regards to that sinful business in our capital city. What will the neighbours think. Oh my god the banana republic is alive and well. How immature. In most of Europe this wouldn’t even get a mention. Seriously, this behind the door stuff I believe gives input into child molestation. Think about it. It gives the impression that sex is dirty so the young ones are confused and that makes them vulnerable. We are obsessed with privacy, also a link with sex. Our kids when young would give any pervert or molester a good kick in the balls. We didn’t lock the bath room or worse still have crinkled glass in the shower. Grow up Australia and undo the shackles with old outdated Anglo mother England habits.

    Liked by 1 person

    • gerard oosterman Says:

      Yes, a new age is dawning in Parliament house. Gabardine coated men are seen loitering around the corridors talking into their sleeves. A minister was seen smiling after leaving his office. Had he shredded the evidence of an illegal act? There are mutterings that the PM is setting up a counselling service to help those that might still fall foul of his law.
      Bromide has been rumoured to have been added to all eggs on toast and the corned beef is laced with an anti erectile substance. Ministers are also being urged to contemplate the picture of Queen Victoria hanging in the vestibule.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Big M Says:

    Just yesterday I was reading about farmers PAYING for water from their own dams, and the bloke who should be sticking up for them is wandering around with his fly undone. The same bloke who was espousing Christian marriage and that gay marriage will unravel the fabric of society.

    I feel sorry for the poor woman, and her unborn child, at the centre of this, such a Scarlett woman! Well written, Gez, bonking pods!

    Liked by 1 person

    • gerard oosterman Says:

      The hypocrisy of Barnaby is astounding. During the midst of his anti same sex rants one could have been forgiven in thinking he missed his vocation in following a strict Jesuit order.
      While in fact, he was going around fully tumescent along the endless corridors of Parliament looking for his staffer.
      What a shemozzle.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. doesitevenmatter3 Says:

    An important, timely post, Gerard. Well written, too!
    But I guess this subject/happening would be timely at any time in history.
    Because bonkers are gonna’ bonk no matter what.
    It’s sad when the bonking is going on where it shouldn’t or between two people who should not be together or between one person taking advantage of another person. People always get hurt in those cases.
    Even when/if the bonking is consensual and no one did get hurt, sometimes the bonking by politicians distracts from more important things that should be getting dealt with.
    Yes, always interesting when a person in a position of power says to others, “Don’t do this!” or “You can’t do this!” and yet the person in power is already doing it all!
    HUGS!!! 🙂 for you and Helvi! And ❤ , too!

    Liked by 1 person

    • gerard oosterman Says:

      You are right, Caroline.

      The history books are full of societal failures due to bonking. The Egyptians, the Romans, The Incas. Sooner or later bonking becomes the banana skin on the doorstep of all cultures. Of course, the start was Eve offering her apple (Pink Lady) to Adam.
      Look at D. Trump going on about grabbing almost anything with hair on it. And… he is the leader of one of the greatest cultures.
      I am not sure about an answer.
      When I think about it , both Trump and Barnaby Joyce have those roseate/purple faces.

      Of course it distracts. Why not just eat an apple instead or read a good book?

      Liked by 2 people

      • doesitevenmatter3 Says:

        Well, sometimes an apple or a good book just won’t do/won’t take the place of a good bonk for me.
        But when someone is in a position of power and influence they gotta’ learn when and when not to, with who(m) and not with who(m). 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  5. algernon1 Says:

    In the meantime the country isn’t being governed. Simply pathetic

    In the end our esteemed PM Wafflealot Trumble overreaches Barnyard explodes and Tony on the sidelines offers sage advice. A bonk ban for goodness sake.

    I feel sorry for Barnyards wife, his daughters, his pregnant girlfriend none of who should subject to this.

    Power seems to pervert these clowns.

    Like

    • gerard oosterman Says:

      But, after a while the wife will be glad she got rid of him. It takes a while, but sooner or later she will realise he was insincere and shallow.
      Of course, the ban on sex by our PM will haunt him, a rich font of endless jokes and journalists’ ribald articles.

      Like

  6. Curt Mekemson Says:

    Almost nothing can stand up to a good ‘bonking’ when it comes to media coverage, Gerard. And once again, the more likely a person is to scream his head off about the immorality of the act, the more likely he is to be out doing it! –Curt

    Liked by 1 person

  7. vivienne29 Says:

    Gerard, can you tell me how many weeks Helvi was on chemo – so I can compare weight loss with hubby’s situation.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Big M Says:

      Sorry, it sounds like your other half is crook?

      Like

    • gerard oosterman Says:

      Dear Viv,

      Helvi had three treatment of chemotherapy but was meant to have four. One treatment every three weeks. After the third treatment (nine weeks) she became seriously sick, was undernourished, lost 15 kilo, with her blood pressure very low and heartrate very fast. But…everyone reacts differently, Viv. It was decided to stop further Chemo treatment. She might now have radiation therapy next!

      The good news is that after her lump was removed from her breast and lymph gland nodes removed, her surgeon was happy and doesn’t want to see her now till Feb.. 2019. That has to be good!

      She now eats very well and her appetite is in top-gear. Her weight gain is slow but steady.
      All the best, Viv. It is hard, but we are meeting people who have survived cancer for many years. Helvi gives you and your hubby all her best wishes. Any questions you can email at; oostermn@tpg.com.au

      Like

    • Big M Says:

      Mrs M had six cycles of chemotherapy over twelve years ago, and I thought she was going to die from it. She had a very aggressive tumour whivh needed to be hit pretty hard. She then had thirty sessions of radiotherapy, which was a breeze in comparison.

      A new drug became available just after all of this which has fewer side effects, so she receives this every three weeks. She had a metastatic tumour in her spine about five years ago. She had one vertebra renoved surgically, then two doses of stereotactic radiotherapy. Nothing else.

      The chemotherapy was like some sort of medieval torture. Dad had some chemo about four years ago, and it was a breeze in comparison, but, of course for a different tumour.

      I hope he is okay and manages to get through it. I think good nutrition and exercise are important as soon as he feels able to move armound and eat!!

      Liked by 1 person

      • gerard oosterman Says:

        Helvi was most impressed by your description of Mrs M cancer journey. It seems that living with cancer effects so many. Indeed the cancer surgeon reckons that most of us including himself, living till ripe old age will die from one form of cancer or other.
        Your last statement about exercise and good nutrition nails the issue. Hope your dad will keep going too.
        Thank you, Big M.

        Like

  8. vivienne29 Says:

    I didn’t talk about it at Pigs Arms but when noticed Helvi had had chemo I opened up here. Hubby has had surgery and now into fourth week of chemo (once a week) and radiotherapy. He’s lost 7 kilos. Until he found the lump he was feeling as fit as a fiddle. He’s on an extreme treatment level. He can’t eat just anything (got to be soft) and now can’t taste either. I’m doing all I can and the docs are happy. We’re not ! I am so glad to know that Helvi is doing so well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • gerard oosterman Says:

      All the best for your hubby, Viv.

      Chemotherapy effects everything, especially taste and appetite. Helvi’s 11 days in hospital was unexpected but she became disorientated and could not get up anymore.

      ‘Chemo brain’ is one side effect as well as memory loss. ( and hair) The best thing is to talk to other people about their experiences.

      Like

  9. vivienne29 Says:

    Thanks Gerard. I’m talking to you – don’t know anyone else with hubby’s particular situation. He’s already bald so nothing to lose except his little beard.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. rangewriter Says:

    Hilarious! Glad to know others across the pond get hijacked by sex, too. We had a very self-righteous, sanctimonious state Senator who was wildly opposed to any protections for LGBTQ community whose long career was derailed when he was scandalously caught soliciting sex in a Minneapolis airport. Same gender sex, of course. It was great good riddance.

    Liked by 1 person

    • gerard oosterman Says:

      This deputy PM was all gung-ho and pontificating against same sex marriage and used to go on about the sanctity of marriage but only between a woman and man.While at the same time chasing his girlfriend along the Parliamentary corridors and making her pregnant with gusto.

      It reminds me of a famous American Pastor with millions of devout followers who was on TV sobbing about how, during a bout of unusual but strong tumescence, had sinned by using a prostitute. I think his wife left him.

      One of our own previous prime minister once woke up in an American Hotel and, somehow had lost his pants. But at least he wasn’t pontificating about Christian values.

      Like

      • rangewriter Says:

        Your deputy PM sounds much like our unwillingly outed Senator Craig, who lost his seat and then went on to get in more trouble by using campaign funds to pay personal legal fees. These knuckleheads.

        Like

  11. vivienne29 Says:

    On to all that Gerard but making most of the good stuff myself. Luckily I’m a well rounded accomplished cook!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Big M Says:

    News just in, Barnacle Joyce has fallen on his sword. It’s va pity he didn’t keep his sword in it’s scabbard in the first place!

    Like

  13. kaytisweetlandrasmussen83 Says:

    Gave me a good laugh this morning!

    Like

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