The second coffee usually treads a familiar path. Normally it comes after the first. But, normality took a break this morning. You have no idea how complicated the publishing of a book can be. I wonder if the homeless under the bridges or highway overpasses are the results of those desperadoes seeking self-publishing? I am so sick of reading my stumbling words with ‘a kind of this’ and a ‘kind of that’ getting repeated so often. I’ll delete them, but the rate I am deleting, soon I’ll have a brilliant book with no words.
With each change the family gets consulted. Their patience will be rewarded in lofty credits in the book if it ever manages to escape the US taxation laws or the pernicious PDF Word Files. One major decision was to change referring to Mum and Dad to father and mother. Back through the whole thing again re-edit and change to the latter. Was it a good move? At 3am I get up and micro-wave a mug of milk (60 seconds) add a spoonful of wattle honey, climb back in bed afterwards and hope for kindness of mind and some sleep.
I made a fatal mistake on reading (Googling) up on back-page blurbs. The general idea is to give the background to the book with the minimum of words. ‘Less is better,’ is the sage advice. In any case, the expert blurb writers warn never more than 250 words. I spent days on that alone till my daughter took over and wrote a very good one. She reckoned my own blurb concentrated too much on colonoscopies and wacko erectile dysfunctional benefits. ‘Just give a hint, don’t rub their face in it,’ she advised.
The torture of the night gets relieved when the first of daylight manages to climb through the bedroom window. It is first- coffee time and this alone heralds a new day. I leap out of the bed and put on the kettle. The leaping is not as vigorous as it used to be. The kettle has a whistle and the water heats up by gas. I try and prevent too much of the whistle in case it wakes H who normally gets an extra half hour in. Often breakfast doesn’t happen till well in the morning, usually after 11 or so. This is where to-day’s the second-coffee comes in. Most times we put in a solid couple of hours upstairs on our computers, abusing the Australian Government on the ABC’s on-line forum.
This morning second-coffee was unusual. The same amount of boiling water is put on about three table spoons of ground coffee. I rattle the cups and spoons so Helvi upstairs knows the coffee is in the making. This morning I was perhaps a bit more absent than normal and instead of taking Helvi’s keenly awaited cup of second coffee, I carried a complete two litres of milk upstairs instead. I did not even realise what I had done till I handed it over.
‘You are going ga ga and slipping,’ she said, and laughed her head off.
March 11, 2016 at 12:04 am |
This self publishing business sounds very hard indeed ! Good luck !
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March 11, 2016 at 3:53 am |
Thank you. There is lot to self-publishing. Just on font size and types alone, one needs a doctorate in grappling with it. And, then the different computer files to store it all in.
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March 11, 2016 at 6:58 am
Best of luck then !!
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March 11, 2016 at 12:12 am |
I wish I could still drink coffee, but I can’t. Every night when I set the coffee maker for my husband I sniff the coffee and it smells so good. But…it makes me hurt -for whatever reason- so I had to give it up. I tried decaf but decided that’s just not worth the money. Do you know what’s really odd, giving up smoking was not as bad as giving up coffee. Sounds weird doesn’t it? It’s the truth, maybe I am just weird.
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March 11, 2016 at 3:58 am |
Yes, coffee is addictive, I know. No, decaf and instant is a no-no in this family. In the fifties ‘real’ coffee came in real instant Nescafe with 43 beans in ever cup, the ad said. Boy, did it give me attacks of intestinal hurry.
The Maxwell House instant coffee was as good a laxative as you could get. Better even than after a bout of crook prawns.
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March 11, 2016 at 11:36 pm
Instant is a no no here too Gerard, makes me sick. But real coffee free of the preservatives thats a different story. You say that Maxwell House is as good as a laxative, perhaps you should consider International Roast, seemed to come in industrial sized tins from memory. It was a coffee for opening up the the sluices…. at both ends. It left this mud at the bottom of the cup when finished (and not like say a greek or turkish coffee)
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March 12, 2016 at 8:32 am
Intstant coffee is an abomination, yet I see people buying it. I suppose it is ‘easy’ to make.
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March 14, 2016 at 9:31 am
It’s amazing that, even the cheapest beans, are still a quantum leap over instant. I remember when someone, Maxwell House or Nescafe released instant tea. My old uncles thought it mind boggling, that something, which normally takes all of three minutes with fresh tea leaves, could be ‘instantised’.
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March 14, 2016 at 10:03 am
Soon we will have instant Coke. Just add water.
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March 11, 2016 at 1:15 am |
You make telling it like it is so delightful! I will keep the milk and honey drink on tap at 3 in the morning.
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March 11, 2016 at 4:00 am |
Yes, warm milk and some honey really makes one go back to lseep.
It takes some willpower to get up and make it, but it is well worth the effort.
Your kind words are even better, Kayti.
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March 11, 2016 at 1:53 am |
I would have been right there with your wife, laughing my head off, Gerard. Not that I don’t do equally silly things and earn a similar response from Peggy. As for coffee, I set mine up the night before. All I have to do is push a button when I get up at 5:30. It can’t come too soon. –Curt
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March 11, 2016 at 4:03 am |
Geez, I reckon you must be keen on the first coffee in Alaska watching the ice-artists at work. Are you sleeping in a tent? I hope you are warm. I loved those photos of the ice sculptures.
It gives hope and a change from looking at the puckered up face of Trump.
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March 11, 2016 at 5:21 am
Actually, I am back home now, Gerard, getting ready for my next big trip. We stayed in motels, a lodge, and military housing (Tony is Coast Guard). So I was warm at night, but it did get plenty cold on a few days, and yes, a hot cup of coffee helped. 🙂 –Curt
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March 11, 2016 at 3:00 am |
Gerard, you might be cutting words from your script, but you are not cutting out your humour If you could make money out of your blog you would have a healthier bank account, I’m sure.
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March 11, 2016 at 4:06 am |
Thank you Peter. Gee, that heat last few days really knocked us about a bit. We pulled some plants out and are now re-doing the garden at the front of our place.
The re-editing gets done slowly. The best reward is being read at all. I could never have imagined.
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March 11, 2016 at 3:47 am |
Gerard, I feel your pain. I am so sick of editing my book that sometimes I would like to pitch it out the window. Like you, I have been dumping unneeded words.
On the mum and dad thing, I see nothing wrong with using what is natural in your own country.
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March 11, 2016 at 4:10 am |
Yes, ‘mum and dad’ is folksy and ‘father and mother’ more formal. I don’t know. Our daughter and grandkids use the more informal ‘mum and dad,’ and opa and oma thing.
In my time parents were more formal. My father even insisted we eat a banana with fork and knife. All of us seated at the table and no TV watching ever.
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March 11, 2016 at 5:46 am
I would go with what you would naturally use, Gerard. Since it is YOUR story, not your parents’, not your children’s, I think I would go with what my gut tells me feels right.
Except here in the Southern part of the US, people use mom and dad–and a lot of the new Southern generation do also. But in my day, we used mama and daddy, so in a good deal of my writing, I use it. It just feels right in the context of the story.
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March 11, 2016 at 4:09 am |
I laughed at your daughter’s succinct comment about the back cover blurb. And Helvi was well within her rights to laugh at your second cup of coffee.
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March 11, 2016 at 7:18 am |
Yes, she has a good way of nailing it.
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March 11, 2016 at 6:11 am |
Editing is tough, and can take some time. Going with the gut and what feels right is important, because it will most likely fit within your other words more comfortably. Consistency is also key. Still not sure re the tax issue. But you are a funny and reader-pleasing writer, and deserve a much wider audience.
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March 11, 2016 at 7:17 am |
It is tough job this editing, Dave, and I am amazed at your editing skills. Who would have thought that red lines would appear in almost every sentence. I felt I might have joined the communist party receiving your first edited version of the beginning of my book. I could not have asked for a more determined and eagle- eyed editor.
Not a single punctuation miss-placed or even absent, escaped the electronic manuscript.
Thank you so much for doing such a great job.
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March 14, 2016 at 11:25 am
Thank you, Gerard. I do like to be thorough. I offer the focus I would like others to offer me. It makes me happy to be appreciated. 🙂
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March 11, 2016 at 10:15 am |
Did you download and read Elmore Leonard’s tips for writers ?
Cut out everything people will just skip over anyway.
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March 11, 2016 at 10:22 am |
I’ll try and leave in a few words, Mike. I noticed you have gone for some very up to date educational tools. What did you think of Canley Vale High school outperforming most other schools with a 95% ratio of students coming from non-English speaking backgrounds?
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March 11, 2016 at 11:49 am |
Firstly, I have to confess that I like editing. It’s less of a burden than an opportunity to pick up things you may have missed and improve on them.
I couldn’t help wondering if you spent a long time replacing mum and dad. The word-processors I use have a FIND and REPLACE funtion in the EDIT menu. The software will do it for you, finding each case of MUM and allowing you to change it to MOTHER. But maybe that’s how you did it.
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March 11, 2016 at 8:08 pm |
Thanks Rod,
I looked but could not find that feature. I am using Word 2013 to re-edit. However, when it comes to finding out the features of editing menu I am somewhat blind to actually taking it in. I’ll find out from a good friend who helps me out.
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March 11, 2016 at 10:21 pm |
Gerard, I have Word 2010 not 2013 but on my version the Replace feature is on the Home menu all the way over on the right hand end. Perhaps it is still there in 2013?
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March 11, 2016 at 10:46 pm
Thank you so much .I will look at it after taking a bit of time off. I am close to squatting in the curb and shout obscenities to the passers by or take up banking instead.
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March 12, 2016 at 8:58 am
Yes, Master of so much more. I found it…I found it…The replacement of word edit. What a time saver. Thank you so much.
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March 12, 2016 at 9:32 am
That is excellent.
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March 11, 2016 at 10:20 pm |
It could have been worse. You could have poured the milk into the coffee pot instead of the boiling water. It’s been known to happen. Although in the case I heard, it was a teapot.
Your self-publishing adventures sound ghastly but I am sure it will all be worth it in the end. Best to make it the best it can be.
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March 11, 2016 at 10:50 pm |
You are so right. It certainly helps to stay calm and collected. I sometimes take a quarter of an aspirin tablet to ease me trhough and milk and honey in more severe cases of Electronic media induced anxiety.
Haven’t yet reached the stage of pouring milk in a tea-pot. There is still time.
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March 11, 2016 at 10:53 pm
I would also avoid pouring orange juice on your cornflakes. It’s not as impressive a combination as it sounds.
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March 12, 2016 at 8:42 am |
Natasha was perfectly right and gave good advice.
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March 13, 2016 at 12:16 am |
Yes, she is good at that.
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March 12, 2016 at 1:18 pm |
I once had a friend who was prepared to have a salad and a baked potatio for her supper. She put the potato in the microwave, then set above making the salad before she cooked it. Once the salad was finished, she turned on the microwave, but when the buzzer rang and she opened it — no potato!
She looked and looked for that potato: on the counter, in the bin, n the refrigerator, behind the bottles and jars. It was no where to be seen. Three days later, she opened the freezer door to get some ice and there it sat: frozen solid, still waiting to be cooked.
You have a long way to go before you get to ga ga.
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March 13, 2016 at 12:16 am |
Oh, that’s nothing. I have been known looking for my glasses while wearing them. No wonder I could not find hem.
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March 12, 2016 at 9:57 pm |
I feel your pain… I really do know just what it is like. I spend weary hours deleting ‘really’ and ‘just’ from my manuscripts. The other thing I do is change the name of my main characters (in fiction) at the last minute. This is hazardous in the modern world. If you hero is called Dave and you decide to call him Bruce, Word will go ahead and instantly change it all for you – just like that. HOWEVER, when your young couple are taking a stroll through Florence they might then gaze up at Michelangelo’s Bruce… so watch out.
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March 13, 2016 at 12:14 am |
I am so glad I discovered the ‘replace feature’. For over seventy years now I have been looking for my own ‘replace feature.’ How do people learn about all those things?
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April 2, 2016 at 10:16 pm |
It’s a worry when one’s life-long partner laughs their head off over one going gaga. At least it was the milk, more relevant than taking up a loaf of bread.
When this happens its time.
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April 4, 2016 at 8:45 pm |
Fortunately, we are both going gaga at roughly the same speed. This helps a lot.
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April 5, 2016 at 12:14 am |
The first book is always the most difficult: agonizing over each word, re-organizing, over-concern about what readers might think…. With later books, you realize no one is actually that critical and just get on with it. There is only ONE first book; enjoy the experience.
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April 9, 2016 at 10:10 pm |
Thank you for the kind advice. I have finished going over it and submitted it to the publisher who were kind enough to request the whole manuscript. We shall see.
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April 9, 2016 at 8:23 pm |
The word COFFEE always grabs my attention!
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April 9, 2016 at 11:33 pm |
Yes, William, it has magical properties.
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