Nurse: The jar need not be full!

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Here is a good Governmental initiative. Never let it be known that positivity is not absent from me on Mondays. I made the appointment last week for a one and half hour of a thorough assessment for any future home-care. A triumphant government must have announced it some time ago, but I never heard about it. It is for those that turn seventy-five. They must keep a tab on all of us. No birthday cake though. Just the possibility of subsidised grab rails in the bathroom or electronic ejection elevated toilet seat. Can you imagine the feeling of elation being lifted and ejected from the toilet seat? What next?

The appointment was for 2pm on Monday. After duly showering,  some sprucing and copious anti deodorant H and I arrived. I was curious and was given a synopses of the procedure. My state of health, both mental and physical would now be taken under the loupe.  I was at fever pitch and alertness. A squirrel taking command of his booty of hazelnuts could not be a better example. Finally a reward for all those years of Kipfler spuds, herrings, sardines, numerous curry dishes, the occasional pork sausage and butter-milk would be brought to fruition as proven by this extensive investigation and following rapport. It would all come out now.

I was met by a friendly nurse with a Latvian or Estonian look. Blue eyes and blond with a mid-fifties age as indicated by the creases around her friendly mouth and alert eyes. Someone who had gone through some living, carrying the evidence with aplomb and courage.  “Do you think you could do a pee or would you first like a coffee or glass of water,” she asked looking at me all blue-eyed and with some ease? She knew some man might get a bit ruffled by that, and clamp up their urinary tract. She was generous and professional, giving me a way out in case of embarrassment, related to shrinking man when anything is mentioned to their impedimenta of an organ that has other function as well as for manically going up and down.  Not me though. “I’ll do my best”,  I’ll do it now, if you don’t mind.”   “Where is the toilet”? I took the initiative. Very often a ploy of the somewhat insecure. Especially some men.

I had noticed she had snapped on some plastic gloves and gave me a little clear plastic jar with a yellow lid, a plastic envelope and showed me the toilet. “You don’t have to fill it right up”, she said. As if I could not!  I dribbled a bit in the jar and perused the level as if on a scientific journey. I judged it not enough, and put a bit more in, surprised at my agility above the narrow bottle and also the ability to stop and start at will. It isn’t always like that getting up in the middle of the night when the procedure seems not always as spontaneous as it once was… I came back as soon as I could. I did not want to give the impression I was struggling in that section and lose points on my rapport.  One never knows with urine and stools. I noticed she was testing it with some little strip afterwards above the sink. I suppose the PH. I used to do the same on our farm swimming pool water.

She explained all the other things we would go through and held up the first part of the test in the form of a large lettered  laminated sign ‘close your eyes’. I duly closed my eyes. “Very good”, nurse said. I was beaming. “Can you tell me the day, month and year?” Again, 10/10. And so it went on. “I will say three words and please repeat”. “Apple, table and chair.” I duly repeated. After a few minutes again, can you recall the three words? I thought deeply, but managed another faultless reply.

“Can you now fold a piece of paper, hold it in both hands and put it on the floor in front of your feet”. I did it in record time but hoped the fold length-wise instead of across would not be rated against me. I need not fear. “Excellent she said. You have no trouble following instructions”.

When talking to the doctor afterwards he asked for Helvi to be present. What would we do if I ever got an accident or physical affliction and quality of life would be almost non- existent ? I was given a rather cheerless list of option of procedures just to keep me alive. What would I choose? A pipe in my chest to breath and food through my nose.?

No thank you. No keeping alive just for the sake of it. If I am no longer aware of being alive, don’t inflict life when it is not really there anymore.

He said also, and that is what I really loved hearing. You do not even have a hint of Alzheimer. Full marks, he added.

A great afternoon. It will be H’s turn in a couple of months.

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21 Responses to “Nurse: The jar need not be full!”

  1. Julia Lund Says:

    An ejector toilet seat. Whatever next? 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Yvonne Says:

    I think it’s a good idea to keep an eye on us seniors! It is the only visit I make to a doctor each year, and so far, so good!

    Do you also have to go for an annual check to see if it’s safe for you to drive an automobile?

    Liked by 1 person

    • gerard oosterman Says:

      Yes Yvonne and I barely made it. The operation on my right eye called Vitrectomy made vision worse. It was very much a conveyer belt operation, so smooth but costly. It is typical of our present American style health service. All profit driven above all.
      Did you watch ABC Four Corners last night. Most knee operations are totally unnecessary, so are scans and referrals to specialists.
      I would stay clear of most medication as well. The over prescription here is one of the highest in the world.
      Have an apple instead!.
      My test last night was very good but eyesight is on the edge of not being allowed to drive.! A real bummer because H doesn’t drive anymore either.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Yvonne Says:

    PS It’s much easier for you blokes to get the urine in those little containers, take my word for it!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. nonsmokingladybug Says:

    Is that mandatory that you all have to go to the doctor at a certain age?

    Like

    • gerard oosterman Says:

      Oh no, it is voluntary. Going to the doctor is allright, but health is now profit driven, so, the trip to the doctor often results in being referred to specialists and from there on, too often steered into unnecesay procedures. The explosion in knee and leg transplants, hip replacements, stents and scans. Vast medical cartels are running the show now.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. bkpyett Says:

    Congratulations on your excellent marks and post, Gerard! I had no idea this was the prize for turning 75.

    Like

    • gerard oosterman Says:

      Thank you Barbara,
      The highlight of this exciting afternoon was the CTG scan. You are to take your shirt and singlet off and lay down on a elevated stretcher. The nurse puts on sunction caps on your chest which then gets connected to lots of cables to measure the regular or irregular heartbeats through a computor which then prints out the ‘scan’.
      Unbelievably, it wasn’t working so I was told to get dressed. All of a sudden the equipment came back to live so, again I got undresed and hopped back on the table, again the fiddling with suction caps and connecting cable. Again, failure. An ‘outage’ . Two other nurses were called in to try and crank up the equipment.This went on for three times before a scan was finally printed.
      Nurse told me it was one of her worst days.
      I enjoyed it very much and liked the attention my chest and heart were given.

      Like

  6. petspeopleandlife Says:

    Too funny, Gerard,. I’m sorry to have been missing your posts but I’ve been up to my eyebrows in work with sick pets, Besides not feeling very up to snuff and now I’m limping along on my old windows Vista with windows 7 HP out of whack till I can hopefullu get the dang things fixed.

    There is no health system here that calls folks in at age 75 but that sure is an admirable concession to make for “old-timers.” Gee I hate those words, “old timers,” But we all have to face the music sonner or later. I feel like I’m in teh twilight zone and not the golden years.

    Like

  7. gerard oosterman Says:

    Sorry to hear you are a bit in struggle street, Ivonne. Hope the sun will shine again. Pets are a great medicine. We are both over 75 and everyone tells us thing will wear out. So far, we are both well, if at times a bit creaky.
    The tests are an initiative of the government to try and make old people stay well and not rely on expensive future care facilities paid for by the tax-payer. When I asked what was the main ailment the +75 suffer from, I was told diabetes. Which is a lifestyle and diet problem. That is going to be difficult to change. Our housing is geared towards using car and as for take away food and BiGM MacDonalds, they are building yet another one right near the health centre. Unbelievable!

    Where is the planning for health?

    Like

  8. elizabeth2560 Says:

    I know about all those tests as my mother had a million of them!🙂
    I agree that the government, for most people, is trying to close the gate after the horse has bolted. They should provide dietitians and personal trainers for everyone at the age of 35. Then they could save some real money.

    Like

  9. kaytisweetlandrasmussen83 Says:

    Congratulations Gerard! It shows the results of healthy living. It makes you feel special to turn 75 in spite of any problems otherwise encountered.

    Like

  10. Charlotte Hoather Says:

    I’m happy you passed your test🙂

    Like

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