A dastardly plot that might just work!



It struck like a bolt of light from the sky. It happened at 6.45am as I was putting on my socks. This is usually my first duty. I can’t make a good coffee without wearing socks and slippers. Helvi loves walking around bare-footed. I often rebuke her for checking the latest happenings in the garden during frosty mornings. It makes me ill looking at those bare feet crunching around the crystalline hoar-frosted cyclamens or violets. I insists she gets socks on before any coffee! I suspects it behoves her seeing me all puckered, concerned and anxious.

Here now is clear-sighted bolt from the heavens. Why don’t I take on the job of chairman in our Strata Plan? The present chairperson is an 82 year old lady who is not familiar with e-mail and computers. So far she has done an admirable job but is under pressure from the rest of the executive to agree to the painting of this compound. They are just trying to wear her out, pushing to agree verbally to all sorts of schemes of intrigue and conniving. It is the last thing a retired person on her own would want to be part off.

She visited us last night and is obviously all stressed out. The investigation into how things have been managed by our inept Body Corporate manager is scaring her. We have tried to calm her. It is no-one’s fault but the Corporate Manager who failed to have given an accurate report of the last AGM. Not a word or motion reflecting even the idea of having spoken about any painting. Someone is cooking the reports and to think we are paying real money for that!

I will suggest to her, to relinquish her chairperson job and nominate me to fill the job till the next AGM when new nominations for positions might be called for. I would be an excellent replacement. Drunk with power I will get a cane and keep tapping it assertively in front of the other town-house owners. Up and down I will be tapping.  Any illegal disappearance of greenery will immediately be followed by lining up all owners in front of the letter-boxes and give them a severe dressing down before marching them back to their dwellings.

All camellias with their rotting flowers will be dug up and banished forever. Native sedges and Hebes will become obligatory. All windows must be uncovered during day but blinds and curtains will be allowed back in over the windows between 7pm and 6.30 am. Solar panels will become obligatory but paid for by Strata-plan, after enough money has been raised and collected in the quarterly fees. All residents will be encouraged to dance outside  their front door whenever more shocking news will be revealed about our bumbling Tony Abbott’s Government. ( if that’s what they call it).

A special  prawn barbeque will be put on when the polls on the Liberal National Party go down even further. Volunteers might be called for to put prawn shells behind hubcaps of cars known to belong to foolish LNP followers. A creative composing of tone-poems will be asked for, reflecting our concern for the world’s ecology and climate change. In the meantime Sibelius’ Valse Triste will be played through the Shire’s town’s vans with loudspeakers.

That will be all for now.

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23 Responses to “A dastardly plot that might just work!”

  1. M-R Says:

    Idiot !

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Master of Something Yet Says:

    I’d vote for you.


  3. kaytisweetlandrasmussen83 Says:

    Did you stay awake all night dreaming that up?


  4. algernon1 Says:

    You go for it Gerard. You go and show those Bowral born to rulers how it should be done. I’d stick the prawns in their underwear drawer as well.


    • gerard oosterman Says:

      Yes, Algy. Not all Bowral people are bad. Conservative and loving lawns and cleaning gutters, yes, that’s true. But there are also lovers of music and great gardeners. I’ll bring the prawns in underwear to the executive-committee for consideration and for a possible motion to be moved and seconded. Democracy as never before.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. bkpyett Says:

    How sensible it all sounds!!


  6. nonsmokingladybug Says:

    Now I will not get the picture of a butt naked guy, wearing socks only out of my head..thanks a lot.

    I think that’s a marvelous idea (the chairman position not the socks).


  7. berlioz1935 Says:

    You are a bit behind. I got all the power united in one person, namely me. I am the chairman, the secretary and the treasurer. We three, I mean I’m, consult constantly with each other. Every year at the AGM they beg me to renominate. All the other owner occupiers are happy with my benevolent dictatorship. What I’m not happy with, is their reluctance to pay a higher levy. They all behave like true Australian taxpayers. The do not want to pay tax but want the government, in our case the committee , to pay for everything.

    Liked by 1 person

    • gerard oosterman Says:

      Yes, you seem to be able to inspire co-operation and consent, a rare achievement in Strata Plans. I tried but failed in our compound.
      Yes, we should have paid much more or just gone the Torrens Title way with each owner determining their own repair levels etc.
      Yes, fancy a Government demonising paying taxes for health and education is evil.
      Australia is a very strange country.


  8. rod Says:

    You’re right, it might just work. Go for it!


  9. Andrew Says:

    Gerard….. I will vote for you. We need more idiots in power. It’s the smart ones that do the damage.


  10. elizabeth2560 Says:

    You would make a great chairman! like your ideas about the solar panels and the dancing! Your a dance you will be having today that there is no longer an “Abbott” government.


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