Love sex and looking ‘gummy’.

etching  'couple'

etching ‘couple’

The visit to a dentist is not high on the list of items of interest to the average tourist. One could not imagine anything worse that walking over the Rialto bridge in Venice and being racked by pain of an infected molar rearing its head. Of course, at the age some of us might be, still owning a molar, infected or not, is something to still be proud of. I still have several with some teeth to boast about as well.

It reminds me of an advertisement of a lonely widower in a Senior Community newspaper on the Mid North Coast town of Port Macquarie. I usually go straight to the back pages, where often the best of ads are hiding. The sort of ads that advertise people seeking love interspersed with ads for massages with ‘happy endings’ and ‘Rosie is waiting for you’, special rates for seniors! Even seniors are now targeted, an enormous market and growing. All this and more cranked up by the merchants of Venice with Viagra.

I just love going through those advertisement of what people still like to experience in the area of love and relationship. Here was an ad that I thought really showed the nous of an unstoppable senior not giving up to aging or possible flagging tumescence. “A 74 years old Male desires meeting a nice lady, NS, ND, NG ( non smoking, non drinking, non gambling) with a view to friendship.” He described himself a retired actuary with own home ( no doubt well insured) and own pension. He plays lawn bowls, collects tin toys and is also a NS, ND,NG man, with Christian values and with OWN TEETH. He also likes Sunday drives!

Now, that ‘own teeth’ really floored me. There are so many people walking around with plastic knees, bionic arms, cobalt jaws and prosthesis that can turn, twist and even ‘feel’, so, why worry about own or not own teeth? People go to Thailand and get whole sets of teeth implanted for the cost of a lawnmower at home. There are now over a million walking around in Britain that have 3 dimensional printed ears. That’s right, you can get an ear replacement made on a printer. But sticking to own teeth. Do you ask your newly met friend,’these are still my own, please tap them?’ It could be that he wanted a partner with own teeth, or, that he was a bit lacking in confidence, and thought he would put upfront a feature that might put him in a good and somewhat more desirable stead. Love works and twists in strange ways. Cupid fires it arrows to unseen and unknown hearts, even implanted ones that are regulated by batteries.

I wished him well and perhaps he did meet up with a lovely woman just as proud of her teeth. I suppose, the subject might well have broken the ice. It is of vital importance that those first few impressions are favourable. Did he smile as he walked towards the café agreed upon at Port Macquarie? When things do match, teeth eventually meet up, but of course, so do gummy mouths.

Does it really matter?

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30 Responses to “Love sex and looking ‘gummy’.”

  1. petspeopleandlife Says:

    Your post has just remiinded me that I need I need to get my very “own teeth” cleaned. You are too funny Gerard. Nothing better than to read your funnies on a very cold day with drizzle that turns to ice. As I read, I begin to smile and then laugh aloud.

    You can take a rather so-so topic and make it funny. However, maybe I’m easily entertained. At any rate, you write very well. I think you should be writing a bi-weekly column for a newspaper somewhere.

    Liked by 2 people

    • gerard oosterman Says:

      Thank you Yvonne. Glad it makes you laugh. Not a greater compliment could be given. The day here too is a bit of a drizzle.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Yvonne Says:

      Isn’t he numero uno!

      Yvonne I get so confused when Gerard answers you, and I think “Huh, what have I said/done that I don’t recall?” I confuse easily, mind you. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • petspeopleandlife Says:

        Well we both have the same names so I sort of have to do a double take myslef sometimes.

        But other than our names I think we are worlds apart in age and geographic location. I’m a little ole elderly soul that has lived my entire life in one central Texas county but I have a wide range of interests. I’m a US government civil service retiree who worked for a total of 35 years as a psych RN at a VA hopsital in the town where I live.

        And, yes I have to agree that Gerard is number one when it comes to putting together a story. He always makes me laugh or giggle and it makes my day.

        Best regards,

        Liked by 2 people

  2. kaytisweetlandrasmussen83 Says:

    If I ever run out of reading material I’ll just go to a Senior community and borrow their newsletter. Glad for the information Gerard. Yes, teeth are unnecessary except for eating, and even that can be overcome.


  3. Carrie Rubin Says:

    Every time I have to get a crown replaced, I think of how fortunate people are to have their own teeth. And yes, a crown still covers an original tooth, but I hate going to the dentist, so I have an envy of those who have no crowns at all. No wonder he’s boasting!


  4. Master of Something Yet Says:

    Another funny piece, Gerard. 🙂 My father got false teeth in his twenties due to the terrible condition of his own teeth so I grew up not necessarily associating false teeth with age. Fortunately, we all seem to have inherited our mother’s teeth. Well, she’s still got hers – we didn’t divvy them up between us – but there are no false teeth in the next generation.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. gerard oosterman Says:

    It is is so great an honour to know a blogger with own teeth. I have upper dentures but only for two teeth and one molar. I can still crack an almond unassisted.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Patti Kuche Says:

    I bet that senior actuary wasn’t sitting around on the shelf for too long, regardless of owning all his own teeth and certainly a cracker of seduction in the back of the paper! Did you know the STD’s are on the increase amongst the swinging seniors?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Silver in the Barn Says:

    Gerard, I have had only one cavity in my entire life and that within the last ten years. It was rather traumatic when the dentist announced it, somewhat triumphantly I thought. I actually questioned him “are you sure?” Because, after all, why now? Should I ever be “on the market”, I’ll be sure to tout my teeth prominently. And I do so love your wry observations on life.

    Liked by 2 people

    • gerard oosterman Says:

      That is amazing. Did the dentist give you an award? I am happy to see still a few of mine in the mirror, but have to curtail my smile a bit not to get beyond the first set of molars.
      Of course in the dark or subdued lighting I smile broadly and generously…
      I am so glad about you enjoying some of my words. (He said coyly)


  8. Yvonne Says:

    One never knows what topic will be taken out for a little walk by you, Gerard. You’re a cracker!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. bkpyett Says:

    I’m still chortling about ‘OWN TEETH’! You have such a lovely turn of phrase Gerard. It’s good to have a laugh. You paint the picture so clearly. BTW, the etching has me totally transfixed.


  10. Andrew Says:

    Gerard, where do you get these “facts”? EG: There are now over a million walking around in Britain that have 3 dimensional printed ears.
    This has as much fact in it as my post about Alfred the Unready.
    Disclosure: 2 implants; otherwise pretty much intact but plenty of repair work.


    • gerard oosterman Says:

      I read about the printed ears somewhere. It might have been while researching material for this story or the previous one. I get somewhat vague at times and surprise myself, still able to get a sentence out.
      I remember toying with implants but shied away when I read the details of taking bone tissue from my hip to add thickness to my jaw so that screws could be drilled in and studs placed on which to put a tooth. I could end up with good teeth but limping as a result.
      Your 2 implants. Amazing feat, well done.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. ninamishkin Says:

    You laugh, Gerard. I once had a date with an otherwise possible gent I’d met online who pocketed his four top front teeth once we were seated in the restaurant because, he said, it was more comfortable without them. His neighbor had advised to leave them in when he met me, but now that we had met he wanted to “be himself.” Was that a problem for me? he asked. Well, yes, I answered. It was indeed. It’s your problem, he declared. He was wrong. The jig was up for him as soon as he got me home from our little evening out. So you see, Gerard, there are circumstances where “own teeth” do come into their own.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. stuartbramhall Says:

    As Whoopi Goldberg confirmed when she was still a stand-up comic, women who have never had sex with a gummy man are truly missing out.


    • gerard oosterman Says:

      I can see her saying that. Women with gummy men often look happy.


      • ninamishkin Says:

        You guys just don’t get it. It’s men with gummy women who’re the truly happy ones. I read it in the correspondence columns of Penthouse! Where as women with gummy men obviously can’t do better. Such men look awful, especially when trying to smile. As for your question, Gerard, I never saw those four teeth again, and certainly did not investigate his pockets to find out exactly where he put them. You’re right: I was very brave. A woman alone in this world needs fortitude — no matter what the feminists say! Look what’s lurking behind every corner and behind every rock!

        Liked by 1 person

      • gerard oosterman Says:

        Nina. I would not take opinions of men too seriously. Ignore them! They brag about everything trying to impress themselves more than any real woman. For the most they are pretty hopeless and totally lost.
        There are some good ones though. I believe there was one spotted in NYC a few weeks ago. He was sitting on a park bench reading Patrick White’s; The eye of the storm.

        Liked by 1 person

  13. Says:

    I was in my twenties, and had taken my mother into A&E with a broken arm, when, for the first time I’m my life I saw her false teeth. She had had them since her twenties, due to an accident, but had felt they should never seen. Teeth matter!

    Liked by 1 person

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