Mr Vlad. Putin cummen all toot’n for ‘n root’n to Brisbane.

images G20

It hasn’t been confirmed but I have it from an unconventional peanut sauce that Putin is coming to Australia’s sunny Brisbane. He was after all invited to the G20, and as most of those coming here are rogues and thieves, it was thought, nay welcomed, he might as well join the tribe of merrrimen and merriwomen. A huge table made from finely hand hewn Eucalypt and French polished with a mixture of gumnut and wombat faeces is now on its edge getting all those little alarm buttons fitted, just in case someone unexpectedly says …boo or, in extreme cases, says..poo. In that case machine-gun toting marshals will drop down with the help of long coiled up ropes (unexpectedly) from the Candela-bras high up, jump on the huge table, say stick’ em up, and shoot blue-berry muffins at the perpetrators.

The meat pies are already on high alert, lamingtons are now in lock-down mode behind reinforced glass counters and Morton Bay oysters have been told to practise coitus interrupt us. (just in case) On previous occasions, many male oysters committed mortal sins by leaving their mass before communion, hoping to avoid an oversupply of little baby oysters… Strictly, a no no in their neck of the salty environs. It is so difficult being a pious girl oyster.

I remember many decades ago, going to a very ‘in’ and ‘up’ market restaurant/ nightclub. The place where one could expect Rod Steward or a fake Elvis to pop in. Ladies were sitting at the bar smoking from elegant cigarette holders. It was during a period where women had their hair held back with large Rhino horned combs. They would blow out smoke and at the same time scan the diners making an or having their entrée.

I was with H and wearing a wine-red safari suit with a huge belt, not around my pants but around the jacket, that looked like phoney gold.(it was), but at least it gave me a bit of shine (where there was none). H was pure Scandinavian and so honestly told me I looked totally nerdy. Could I refrain from speaking at the dinner table, please?

nr two

Anyway, I was so nervously unsettled. All the expense which started off with a taxi and a generous tip. The first course was ‘ spinach stuffed oyster’ which were so expensive I developed an immediately headache. I mean stuffed oysters? I had a main dish of pigeons guaranteed to have been bred with reckless abandon high on the Southern Highlands but with a nervous disposition, making them extra lean.

There was so little sustenance in that meal I had to take a pain-killer while sitting on the toilet, reflecting also what a huge mistake it was to try and join the ‘in it folk.’ I left hungry but relieved we got out of the place.

I remember the nightclub/restaurant was called ‘Rogues’.

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15 Responses to “Mr Vlad. Putin cummen all toot’n for ‘n root’n to Brisbane.”

  1. Yvonne Says:

    Those young dancers are fantastic! I would have loved to have been in the audience.


  2. Yvonne Says:

    I can’t stop watching them. If we could encourage all young people to have an interest like this, what a world we could have. 🙂


  3. gerard oosterman Says:

    What makes it so spectecular is the unpreteniousness of it all. A modest venue, kids having fun in the background and spontaneously executed. They did a show in England but in grass skirts. It became sanitized and contrived probably by those that run those shows in the UK.


  4. M-R Says:

    The post I find very confusing, Gerard. But the video is HILARIOUS !!
    I laughed the whole way through: the aboriginals are so good at sending up both the dance scene and themselves. And some people think they have no sense of humour !!!!!


  5. gerard oosterman Says:

    The video is indeed hilarious but also very good dancing. I am still mesmerised by it.
    As for the confusion, yes I do spread confusion. This world here is so staid and devestatingly solid. It needs dissaray and utter confusion. I offer a helping hand and for gratis.


  6. petspeopleandlife Says:

    Hilarious as usual and I’m still grinning as I write. The natives offer dancing that is uncomparable to anything a non-native could produce.

    Did you get a headache from the oysters or the smoke or perhaps both? That had to have been some meal that cost a small fortune. I bet you did not make that mistake again.


    • gerard oosterman Says:

      The stuffed oysters is something I still tell others about. It was at a time when the smallest of portions were spread onto the biggest of plates. You had one minute slice of something on which was balanced a single currant or drop of vinaigrette extraordinaire. The fork could not even find traction in the food in order to lift it.
      One left the restaurant more hungry afterwards than before.

      Never again!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Carrie Rubin Says:

    “a mixture of gumnut and wombat faeces”—Well, that sure sounds inviting…

    Loved the video! The tall, skinny guy in the middle was so fun to watch. My eyes kept traveling back to him. There are not many video clips I’ll watch from beginning to end, but this one was fantastic!


  8. stuartbramhall Says:

    With the US bombing Syria (after Russia warned it violated international law), Putin may not show up.


  9. gerard oosterman Says:

    Things are now rapidly changing. Putin might now be going-a-scoot’n. Is Iran now hoping for nucleur concessions for helping the US?


  10. Lottie Nevin Says:

    I’m not sure why it is, but it seems the more expensive a restaurant is, the more likely you are to leave still feeling hungry. Tiny portions and a shockingly large bill. Don’t ever be tempted to mix oysters with whisky……guaranteed regurgitation or your money back 😀


  11. hilarycustancegreen Says:

    Fun all the way!


  12. kaytisweetlandrasmussen83 Says:

    Loved it all Gerard!!


  13. chris hunter Says:



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