A shower with croissants and Boots.



Taking a morning shower is always a good time to reflect and ponder the day ahead. It pays to give the warm water a bit of time to heat the supply source before jumping under the tap. There is nothing worse than jumping in, put the tap on prematurely and freeze to death.

Lately I wonder if I am on my ‘last’ of things. I bought a pair of RMW boots some seventeen years ago. I still polish them and use an old woollen sock to buff them up. There is nothing like the smell of boot polish on old shoes and the satisfaction of having bought a pair of boots that one still wears. They have had soles and heels put on, but the body of the boots is still intact, all strongly stitched together. Nothing like those plastic moulded shoes where they just imprint the stitching, fooling the customer in thinking they buy solid shoes. I had such a pair of cheap shoes and one of them broke in half. I used to wear those plastic shoes in combination with shiny polyester trousers.

I love buffing up my body with the same enthusiasm as old boots but sadly can’t reach some of my back parts anymore. I suggested H to give a helping hand but she said ,”fuck off, do it yourself.” ” Now, now; it doesn’t behove an upright grandma to speak like that”. What will the neighbours think? I did give her the old seductive look. She just took it as lecherous, and that did not help at all. “When is the last time you bought me flowers,” she said. “I buy flowers every week,” I replied in a firm and admonishing tone. “The Alstremerias in the vase are proof,” I added while washing myself vigorously. “Yes, but not specially for me,” she answered. “Well, it is a bit difficult to buy them just for you and not me. If you like I won’t look at them.”

This is the stage in any conversations that a wise man knows how to withdraw from. There is nothing now one can throw at the conversation that will give it a bit of balance or justice, let alone logic. I just kept on soaping with my back towards her making sure she noticed my struggle to reach my back. “Why don’t you buy a back-scrubbing-brush”? “One with a long wooden handle,” she said. “It’s just not the same as your soft hand”, I answered gently.

“Oh, its Ok, I said a bit miffed, I’ll leave my back unwashed, it’s not important, I’ll get some nice croissants from the French bakery and make a nice coffee for you after my shower, darling. A pity that I am getting beyond being able to reach my back now, but that’s life.” “I’ll get a back scrubbing brush from Aldi’s on the way home with the croissants and some flowers”, I added.

Ah well OK, I’ll do it then.”. Turn your back to me, but don’t splash” and no funny moves. I was ready for the next move. It was risky! “Why don’t you hop in and I’ll wash your back at the same time”, I offered? Two for the price of one! “No, you are a pervert, why should I?”

That last question of ‘why should I’ is usually a precursor for giving in. We know each other well. Indeed, without a further word H got undressed and hopped in. I pretended not to look and averted my eyes. It pays to just stay quiet, no more words or lecher moves now. “Alright, no funny business and no kneeling on the floor like you did last time, she said.” No, I won’t, “I just want to wash every inch of you, no good going at half mast,” I reiterated calmly.

“Just get on with it. Where is your difficult back?” “Here on the other side of my front.” “A difficult back, H? Do the front then if it is too difficult”! “You pervert”!

The croissants are almost here, dear.

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18 Responses to “A shower with croissants and Boots.”

  1. Rosie Says:

    This made me laugh out loud – what fun mornings you two have. Enjoy those special times.


  2. petspeopleandlife Says:

    Oh my goodness. I am still laughing about “the shower.” I love the way that you and “H” spar with words. Too cute. You make my day when I can laugh out loud. There is nothing to laugh about except the once in awhile cute thing from a cat or dog.

    I suppose blogging has been good for me. I’ve gotten some of the best laughs of my life by reading my favorite blogs.


  3. Lottie Nevin Says:

    Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, The banter that goes on between your good self and Helvi is genius – it always makes me smile and laugh. And there is something delightfully intimate about the way you write, so engaging.
    If it’s any consolation, there are parts of my body I can’t reach either. My back and neck have given me grief for years. I hear what you say about cold water and freezing to death. Our shower is outside and there is no heating. With temperatures here hovering around freezing or just above (earlier in the winter) we really had to brace ourselves when it came to getting personal hygiene dealt with. The worst is when the gas bottle runs out mid-wash – I’m sure our neighbours have heard many a blood curdling scream from me when that has happened!


    • gerard oosterman Says:

      Geez, outside shower? Brrr. Here one can get large bottles of gas which get filled by a truck. It would last a year depending on the size of the bottle. We had them on the farm.
      Here the winters are cold too with frost not unusual. We are now getting a quote for double glazing. I am no hero when it comes to cold.
      Glad you enjoy our shared joys and pleasures, it makes up for the tribulations we had our share of as well.
      Hopefully another Spanish episode will appear soon. I love your cultural adventures. Say hello to Irish and pat for Colin Snout.


  4. auntyuta Says:

    Buffing up your body like old boots, and further on scrubbing each others body parts – what a great start to the day this is! On top of this Croissants from the French bakery, Flowers and some nice Coffee! For sure H knows quite well what a fantastic man she has. Wishing you many more beautiful mornings like this one! πŸ™‚


    • gerard oosterman Says:

      Thank you AuntyUta.
      We are lucky both having long standing relationships or perhaps also having chosen ‘good ones’.
      It’s not easy now-a-days with unrealistic over the top expectations and everything being so with perfect teeth and Botox pink bodies. We saw a movie called Wolf of Wall Street. How utterly depressing boring movie, yet it is being hailed as a 4 star event.


  5. auntyuta Says:

    We did not see Wolf of Wall Street. But we saw Philomena with Judi Dench last Week. We both liked this movie which is based on a true l story. “The True Story Of A Mother And The Son She Had To Give Away” I think this movie was well done. I especially liked the character of Philomena, portrayed excellently by Judi Dench.
    BBC correspondent Martin Sixsmith is played by Steve Coogan. This correspondent is also a very likeable character.


  6. Tolga Says:

    Thanks Gerard… made me laugh, too. Croissants, Flowers and Coffee, but one thing is missing: Strawberries with cream.


  7. Tolga Says:

    Here’s something to think about……..
    I recently picked a new G.P. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing ‘fairly well’ for my age. (I’ve just reached 65). A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 85?’ He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor? ‘Oh not much grog these days and don’t smoke’ I replied. ‘I’m not doing drugs, either!’ Then he asked, ‘Do you eat rib-eye steaks, fatty roasts and barbecued Ribs? ‘I said, ‘Not much… my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!’ ‘Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, surfing, hiking, or bicycling?’ ‘No, I don’t,’ I said. He asked, ‘Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have lots of sex?’ ‘No,’ I said… He looked at me and said,.. ‘Then, why the hell do you want to live to 85?


  8. Patti Kuche Says:

    Tip-toeing gently out of here . . .


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