Milo’s Christmas present


No Christmas can be celebrated without considering all animals. The entire Noah’s Ark will be lit up, festooned with pretty baubles and thousands of flickering multi coloured lights, all provided by a solar panel fastened to the main mast. When reindeer have finished their endless flights over rooftops, they too will be asked to join the party.

The table has been set for twelve thousand two hundred forty four guests including four lions, nine elephants and many birds including a pair of wedge tail eagles, a robin and twenty two sparrows. Milo is at the head of the table ( he insisted on it) well away from the possum family who are safely seated and protected in between the jaguars and hyenas. A solitary skunk will be allowed to crawl around underneath the table after promising he won’t look up any stockinged thighs of belted Galloways.

As a special gesture of goodwill and sweetness AC/DC are providing the music with a few solitary violin pieces by Vivaldi during the eating of the Pavlova in memory of Анна Павловна (Матвеевна)The principal ballerina of the Russian Ballet. It was a special request by Milo, who as some of you might now, has been practising his very graceful leaping up into trees. (to try and kill possums, but we won’t talk about that, will we?).

Even so, we know the animal world is very much involved in feelings (more than many people animals) and even though the pavlova is sweet on popular request they insist on seeing, as is their wont every year, yet again a performance of her ” The dying Swan”. This lovely piece was projected on a large screen.

The whole table became quiet and many looked down on their plate of Pavlova struggling with the eating of something so sweet and at the same time seeing the real Anna Pavlova so graceful, yet so tragic. They reflected on how, they too would, at some stage follow life and succumb, like the swan, to a dying. It was so and no one would ever be denied this final dance. Was it something that could even be looked forward to? Ah, the mystery of life.


The animal world reflected deeply on one of life’s deep questions. One of the elephants had tears in his eyes; he told the giraffe next to him, the Couscous was repeating on him, and he needed to stretch his trunk. Needless to point out that the Christmas dinner was totally vegetarian. One can imagine if a roast pork had been served up or worse, a leg of lamb. The horror, the horror. Even a single prawn would have caused a solidarity of revulsion amongst all the animals.

Milo, in the meantime, felt that the table ought to be brought back to a more cheerful festive mood and decided to pull some crackers with good old silly corny jokes.

Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low “elf” esteem!
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!
What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
Subordinate clauses!

Happy Christmas to all the animals (and people too, if they stay good) from Milo and his best adult friends.

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8 Responses to “Milo’s Christmas present”

  1. Patti Kuche Says:

    Sobbing on the deep reflections of life’s deep questions but cheered enough to wish you, H and Milo all best for happy outcomes! Thank you dear Gerard!


  2. Rosie Says:

    Gerard – this is one of your very best. Thank you. Milo has such a wise face – I’m sure you two have long conversations about the meaning of life. Happy Christmas to you too Gerard and to Helvi and to Milo. A joy to see the Anna Pavlova clip again. Milo, head of the table? Well, of course, where else?


  3. solidgoldcreativity Says:

    “.. and no one would ever be denied this final dance.” So poignant.


  4. Lottie Nevin Says:

    And a very Happy Christmas to Milo and his best adult friends. Thank you for this marvellous account of Milo’s Noah’s Ark style Festive party and the haunting clip of Pavlova. The couscous repeating on the elephant and Milo’s cracker jokes, just perfect. Hope that none of your animal guests left any Yule Logs behind…..


  5. gerard oosterman Says:

    Yes, the logs are a bit of a problem. Mind you, the leaf blower came in handy, they are all smoking coils in the kerb now waiting to be collected by Council.


  6. hilarycustancegreen Says:

    Thanks, a very healthy dose of whimsy, I was just on the verge of taking life too seriously.


  7. kaytisweetlandrasmussen83 Says:

    One of your best Gerard. Hope you, Helvi, Milo and all the animals had a super Christmas party. What a treat to watch Pavlova.


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