If you think the world is simple, try and get a computer that works without failure or send you ripe for the asylum.
Remember how we are used to the switching on and off of lights or getting water from a tap. We rely that all those conveniences work. My latest with a new computer almost ended in murder, so, if you are a fan of Birger Larsen’s crime stories keep reading. As most of you probably know, the world of commerse is basically a suction hose in the your wallet, often without being aware of it. It’s sucking money out of you even during the night when you are sound asleep. Especially if you have activated automatic payment ‘solutions’ such as your phone, gas and electricity accounts.
My two months old HP 3in 1 desk top kept giving me strange messages and refused to ‘import’ photos. I thought, no worries, just give HP a tingle and they’ll give me succinct info and it will be cleared up. Two hours later and going from menu to menu with press this and press that I miraculously got a real person on the phone. I was very hungry by then, suffering dizzy spells. The ‘real person’ on the phone said, ‘by your description and the ‘error message’ it sounds a soft- ware issue. ‘No, it’s not,’ I quickly replied, smelling a HP avoidence tactic. ‘The screen has unusual patterns and lots of vertical and horizontal lines’, I accompanied this by an authoritive deep cough.
‘Oh, I see, the real person stated. ‘ ‘ Why then not take it back to the shop.?’ I did that but the salegirl who was so ebullient when I was buying the $850.- three in one, clamped her mouth shut and resolutely avoided eye contact.
“Look here, Gerard, give her a good “code” but go on-line first and we will try and sort the problem from this end”, the real HP person chortled back! ” It sounds as if you have ‘a sound-card’ problem.” Giving the shop girl at Dick Smith a ‘code’ was almost as good as what I felt like giving when she clamped shut and told me to get out of the shop with my computer (3in1) under my arm.
Eh, what? “But the screen is also funny and the error message is there regardless of what I do. It has a mind of its own”, I answered. I can’t go on-line, my computer is funny.” ” OK, I understand your problem. Stay on this phone line and we will give you a code number.”
With the code number cluched in one had and the computer in a checked refugee bag in the other I struggled back to Dick Smith shop and the girl with the clamped mouth. She had not changed and perhaps, spotting my refugee bag, she thought I was going to ask for asylum and bed down behind the counter.
She disappeared to the back of the shop where all the TVs were on, all showing the same program. It is always a weird feeling seeing the announcer’s head interspersed with advertisemenst all in perfect unison on dozens of TVs, all in manic sync and total agreement. Why can’t we all behave like that?
The girl was wiping the back of the TVs and after I caught her let her have a good full ‘code number’. We both walked solemnly back to where the counter was with my refugee bag holding the HP Computer. She typed the code into a machine and out came my copy of a repair notice. We will let you know when it is fixed she said, unclamping her mouth.
She spotted a customer entering the shop. “Oh, hello”, she smarmed up to him and smiled. ” Can I help you ?” She became ebullient again. Was she really a Chameleon in disguise?