That business of getting up and defying gravity back towards the mattress is one of life’s challenges that might, with the passing of the years, increasingly call for ingenuity. As it is there seems to be creeping into my nocturnal habits a tendency to delay the inevitable. Of course, there has to be the choice made to either get up or not. So far so good. I want to get up and just have to now decide in which manner.
I saw on TV, (where else?) a young athletic person who could get up from the prone position on his back to standing up without turning around or the use of arms. His arms and legs were tied. Don’t ask me why, this is how things on TV work. In a single flawless movement he lifted his legs, threw them down again and at the same time used that downward movement as propulsion to lift his torso up to a standing position. This magnificent physical action happened within a split second.
I can’t remember if I was ever capable of doing this as well. Gymnastics was one of the subjects I excelled in at school. I even managed to take a run, do a somersault over seven prostate bodies on the floor and end up on my feet. Those were the days my friend, I thought they’d never end
Now, it is more likely to be a somersault by a probe deep inside the bowel and around the prostate. That’s what it has come to. I haven’t had a reminder from the expert bum prober for a number of years. He has either died or most likely is retired and himself subject to the bum-probing colonoscopy every couple of years. While many women might go through breasts examinations, at least they can do it themselves and all is above sea-level. With men’s business deep inside their bums there are no such easy self detection probes for dodgy lumps, not as far as I know.
It makes one wonder what the aspirations are of a young man or woman going through medical school and decide to branch of into becoming an examiner of bowels. What is the driver into that line of work? Is it an urge to go and tunnel? I mean the Snowy Mountains scheme attracted workers from all over the world some years ago.
I wonder if those future gastroenterologists have a penchant for vegemite above that of golden syrup or cured double smoked ham? Has the relationship of that subject ever been studied and have there been any stats compiled? If so, are they available?
My new computer has a driver; a driver that allows downloads and supports a W-Fi. My old computer doesn’t support a driver for a Wi-Fi, a message on my screen told me. ‘Please contact Toshiba’, it warned me.
When I am resolute enough to get up, I generally follow a routine of swinging the legs over the edge of the bed and stare down at my feet, gathering enough time and courage to put weight on those limbs and then get into an upright position. I take the first courageous steps of the day. My computer driver is calling me.
It is still a wonderful world of magic and surprises, isn’t it?