‘Normal’, There is no such thing. (only Abnormal Taps and Park Benches.)

There is no such thing as ‘normal’, even amongst the world of public toilets and taps. I thought I had seen the end of abnormal taps when leaving Goulburn and moving to the Bowral environs. No such luck. Abnormal public toilet accessories might be rare but they still exist, even here in Bowral. I first encountered those strange taps in Goulburn and opposite the Court House. Perhaps as a reminder that punishment will be meted out to you no matter where you are or indeed, can be applied without a Judge or Court, as a result of merely washing your hands. Justice has many mysterious ways.

The fore mentioned abnormal taps are of the kind that are totally useless for those with a single arm or one hand disabled or in a sling, broken, smashed or even without fingers. Those taps stubbornly refuse to give water as soon as you want to feel the wetness of it. There is some kind of mechanism that shuts the water off as soon as you need it. No matter how fast you move your hands under the tap, not a drop will the tap surrender. I don’t know the hydrological engineer responsible for this wonder but it must have been his or hers life’s work. The Michael Angelo of taps.

You can only get water from the tap by one hand turning the tap and holding on to it for dear life and wet the other hand under its stream. You can’t rub hands together. You can only kind of rub fingers and rotate the wrist a bit. You can then do the same with the other hand. But the whole job becomes frustrating and it leaves the job of cleansing of hands almost hardly worth going on with it. You give up and hope the next public toilet will be less punishing.

Then there are those park benches, made to torture at best but more likely to have been designed not to be sat upon, ever. You still see them sometimes, especially at railway stations or bus stops and again as with the taps, outside Court Houses. They are made of two pre-cast concrete upright structures, bolted down (who would steal those?) which support sturdy wooden joists across. The hardwood timber supports are spaced too wide apart and it takes only those with generous bottoms to glean any comfort from them. For those with normal bums, those seats are best negotiated by constantly moving or shuffling backwards and forwards, relieving the cutting of blood supplies to thighs or vital organs including of course the male conjugal part(s). I am glad to say though, that they are now being replaced with far more ergonomically designed wooden structures that are comfortable and good looking as well.

One should always look out for the good things in life!

Tags: Donald Bradman